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Depression
“These are the days to try men’s souls.” This is a quote from “The Crisis, 1776-76,
the author of which was Thomas Paine. I have added, “women’s too.”
Well it could apply to the current times especially for those who are listeners to the
news reports as I am, which brings us to the title, “Depression.”
Usually the first thing a person does is go to a doctor for help. In my opinion that is
like going to a girl in pigtails to learn how to deal with a rogue bull. But, let me elaborate.
A doctor is trained to treat the body. Today those who are studying the brain are being
amazed at the workings of that organ and they realize there is not any complete
understanding of how it works. All a medical doctor can do is hand out a drug of this
or that mixture.
Not to say I have any solutions other than that of experience, and not that of a pig tailed
girl, either. My first encounter with depression was when after years of trailing along to
doctor after doctor over the state of Oklahoma and Dallas a happening pushed me into
despair.
My six month old son let go of the wall he was touching as he walked down the hallway.
I had tears of joy, and then, was when depression came down on me full circle. If I fried an
egg I cried sobs with tears streaming down my face. Something about the egg was equal
to the life of my cerebral palsied daughter. She was broken before she had a chance to live.
At night that little daughter saw her mother walking the hallway in a long gown while asleep.
In the morning there were strange objects stored in the refrigerator.
Thank heaven for the power involved with prayer. Suddenly the full realization of what
was happening to me was made clear in my mind. I realized that the depression was
because my mind had to accept the fact that nothing could be changed. My child who was
beautiful of face and mind would have to grow up in a body unable to work for her.
Nothing could change what was to be. No amount of therapy, not one doctor, or my
determination would change anything.
With this realization I had to devise a formula to function. I had children to raise. How
could I simply bow to the black depression upon me. So it was. My formula became our
name, FLDS. Floors, Laundry, Dishes, Sleep. With this simple formula my body made my
mind work. Floors in the morning first. With this activity, bending, stooping, picking up
sweeping with vacuum and broom stimulated my body to prepare for the day. Laundry,
dishes followed in that order. Sleep is so often a tool of that dirty word, “depression.”
I willed myself to work through the day without sleeping in order to, as the scriptures tell,
“The reward of a working man (woman) is a good night’s sleep.” If I am awake at night
I pace for at least 10 minutes and or take care of work that requires the quiet of night to
allow concentration, at that time, my artwork, later on, writing.
A person suffering through the weight of depression is often a difficult individual. They are usually intelligent, but just as frustrated that they cannot come to a solution with their
mental anxiety. Sometimes, I think of it like the Native American when they are
subjected to fire water. Actions can become radical and they cannot, literally, cannot
have any control which only acts to build a wall between themselves and the very
people or society which could help them.
So now we have not only depression but anger and frustration as well. Like a ship at
sea there seems to be no way to turn it off its course and point it back to another shore,
one where peace is wished for to happen.
Escape helps but only works for a brief interval.
There are too, the do good ‘ers, who believe they have a solution. Instead of standing back
with wisdom they rush in with silly solutions. The person depressed only becomes subjected
to more weight upon them while trying to deal with an added infringement upon their
already loaded down psychic. So it goes into what can become a cycle of despair.
Everyone must develop their own formula that works for them. My F L D S may not be right
for you. Maybe my list making may not work for you either, even though, for me it is the
salvation. A “to do list,” no matter how distasteful it may be, brings all the heavy load of
duties down to a manageable one at a time thing to do. You can’t worry about everything
on the list while you are concentrating on just one thing to do at a time.
The mind can be managed but with great difficulty. I wish to be a follower of our King,
Christ Jesus, who would not take pain killing drugs soaked in wine even during his most
painful travail. Not to say I have never taken drugs. Certainly the spinal anesthesia
administered by the finest physician in Dallas, as far as I was concerned, brought me a
son who was not injured at birth as my daughter was brain damaged.
And so it is, moderation in all things.
“These are the days to try men’s souls.” This is a quote from “The Crisis, 1776-76,
the author of which was Thomas Paine. I have added, “women’s too.”
Well it could apply to the current times especially for those who are listeners to the
news reports as I am, which brings us to the title, “Depression.”
Usually the first thing a person does is go to a doctor for help. In my opinion that is
like going to a girl in pigtails to learn how to deal with a rogue bull. But, let me elaborate.
A doctor is trained to treat the body. Today those who are studying the brain are being
amazed at the workings of that organ and they realize there is not any complete
understanding of how it works. All a medical doctor can do is hand out a drug of this
or that mixture.
Not to say I have any solutions other than that of experience, and not that of a pig tailed
girl, either. My first encounter with depression was when after years of trailing along to
doctor after doctor over the state of Oklahoma and Dallas a happening pushed me into
despair.
My six month old son let go of the wall he was touching as he walked down the hallway.
I had tears of joy, and then, was when depression came down on me full circle. If I fried an
egg I cried sobs with tears streaming down my face. Something about the egg was equal
to the life of my cerebral palsied daughter. She was broken before she had a chance to live.
At night that little daughter saw her mother walking the hallway in a long gown while asleep.
In the morning there were strange objects stored in the refrigerator.
Thank heaven for the power involved with prayer. Suddenly the full realization of what
was happening to me was made clear in my mind. I realized that the depression was
because my mind had to accept the fact that nothing could be changed. My child who was
beautiful of face and mind would have to grow up in a body unable to work for her.
Nothing could change what was to be. No amount of therapy, not one doctor, or my
determination would change anything.
With this realization I had to devise a formula to function. I had children to raise. How
could I simply bow to the black depression upon me. So it was. My formula became our
name, FLDS. Floors, Laundry, Dishes, Sleep. With this simple formula my body made my
mind work. Floors in the morning first. With this activity, bending, stooping, picking up
sweeping with vacuum and broom stimulated my body to prepare for the day. Laundry,
dishes followed in that order. Sleep is so often a tool of that dirty word, “depression.”
I willed myself to work through the day without sleeping in order to, as the scriptures tell,
“The reward of a working man (woman) is a good night’s sleep.” If I am awake at night
I pace for at least 10 minutes and or take care of work that requires the quiet of night to
allow concentration, at that time, my artwork, later on, writing.
A person suffering through the weight of depression is often a difficult individual. They are usually intelligent, but just as frustrated that they cannot come to a solution with their
mental anxiety. Sometimes, I think of it like the Native American when they are
subjected to fire water. Actions can become radical and they cannot, literally, cannot
have any control which only acts to build a wall between themselves and the very
people or society which could help them.
So now we have not only depression but anger and frustration as well. Like a ship at
sea there seems to be no way to turn it off its course and point it back to another shore,
one where peace is wished for to happen.
Escape helps but only works for a brief interval.
There are too, the do good ‘ers, who believe they have a solution. Instead of standing back
with wisdom they rush in with silly solutions. The person depressed only becomes subjected
to more weight upon them while trying to deal with an added infringement upon their
already loaded down psychic. So it goes into what can become a cycle of despair.
Everyone must develop their own formula that works for them. My F L D S may not be right
for you. Maybe my list making may not work for you either, even though, for me it is the
salvation. A “to do list,” no matter how distasteful it may be, brings all the heavy load of
duties down to a manageable one at a time thing to do. You can’t worry about everything
on the list while you are concentrating on just one thing to do at a time.
The mind can be managed but with great difficulty. I wish to be a follower of our King,
Christ Jesus, who would not take pain killing drugs soaked in wine even during his most
painful travail. Not to say I have never taken drugs. Certainly the spinal anesthesia
administered by the finest physician in Dallas, as far as I was concerned, brought me a
son who was not injured at birth as my daughter was brain damaged.
And so it is, moderation in all things.
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