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A "Warm and Fuzzy" to take you all through 2013.

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  • A "Warm and Fuzzy" to take you all through 2013.

    Something different to read, do you really know what is around the corner ???:unsure:

    Now read on, lock the doors, do not trust anybody

    **************************************

    Well, we were wrong: the apocalypse is here

    By ABC's Max Lavergne
    Updated Fri Dec 21, 2012 9:24am AEDT



    Barricade your doors, forget your true self, and embrace your mutations: triple j's Max Lavergne shares his advice on surviving an eat-or-be-eaten post-apocalyptic world.



    It's the end of the world!

    It's funny how for months - YEARS - we all of us made a bunch of knowing jokes about the Mayan calendar and the approaching apocalypse but never really expected it to happen, and yet here we are, sitting at our computers on Friday, December 21, 2012, with our civilisation crumbling around us and demonic horrors destroying all we've ever known.

    It's hard to not feel a little foolish, watching hordes of slender ghouls ushering crying thousands into the fire pit at the base of the Great Obsidian Obelisk and knowing that we could have been more prepared, but it's the boat that we're all in.

    Luckily for you, your friends at The Drum have prepared a few handy hints to ease you into Oblivion. Let's discuss them before the generator fails and your computer goes dark forever!



    DO NOT BOTHER STOCKING UP ON CANNED FOOD



    Your empire of dust, and utterly useless accrued flybuys points
    If this end-times scenario plays out anything like the plot of Cormac McCarthy's The Road, there's going to be absolutely zero need for you to stock up on non-perishables. Why spend your final hours of daylight fighting your way through shopping queues? Soon enough, humanity is going to sort itself into three camps: the people who eat other people, the people who are eaten, and the people who eke out a meagre and nomadic (but righteous) life travelling from abandoned house to abandoned farm and eating the canned food that that second group of well-meaning schmucks paid for. Should you choose to forgo human flesh, all those tins of beans are still going to exist - but they'll be existing in a post-cash society, with no queues for the checkout. Instead, spend your final days with your loved ones! Be sure to barricade the doors and have weapons ready BEFORE you begin any board games, though. Some people are just itching to turn cannibal
    ACCEPT YOUR MUTATIONS



    [B]Making the most of the nuclear winter
    With the powerful levels of nuclear radiation that are rolling across the continents, it's only natural that human beings are going to start mutating at a heightened rate. Learn to accept your body's changes! The heat-sensitive antennae bursting from your forehead may be unsightly according to certain standards of physical beauty, but they'll be invaluable for locating food and shelter. Your child's newfound ability to psychically summon bees and wasps may be impractical at times, but with a little practise and patience, you might be able to find some use for them. Your brother's furry hide, cruel claws and sunken, hateful eyes are - actually, you should kill him. Wolfmen are dangerous. Where's the shotgun? Where did you leave it?? Quickly!





    REMOVE THE HEAD OR DESTROY THE BRAIN
    Zombies aren't just for maiming in novel ways
    It's almost a cliche by now, but it bears repeating: if you come across any zombies, or other miscellaneous members of the walking dead, remove the head and destroy the brain as quickly as possible. Obviously, it's fun to take pot shots at them! Who doesn't enjoy shooting off the legs and arms and watching them wriggle across the ground like a horrid, decaying, breakdancing slug? No-one. We all love that, obviously. But it's important to remember to deliver the final coup de grāce, or before you know it that pathetic monster is going to have its jaws wrapped around your ankle and it's curtains for you. Also, it's probably best to conserve your ammo, because unless this apocalypse has been engineered by the US Military-Industrial Complex (not out of the question) it could be a while before there's any more.

    RUN FROM (NOT TOWARDS) ANY METEORITES
    Forget not the lessons of Men In Black
    There's no more efficient way for malignant aliens on the other side of the galaxy to transport their nightmarish foot soldiers to our planet than on the back of a big ol' meteorite, so if you see a shooting star light up the night sky, followed by a massive blast wave and then shrieking and the clanging of steel, do not approach the site. Instead, run! Run to the hills. Or caves, or an underground bunker if you have one. If you can't run, try using everyday Earth substances to fight the interlopers. Water. Acid. Stuff like that. Honestly, it's probably not going to make a difference, but you might as well try. Alternatively, ingratiate yourself to them! Do their bidding and they might hook you up with a lift back to whatever violent dystopia they flew in from!

    FORGET ABOUT BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF (OR WHATEVER)
    Unless your best self is a ruthless warlord
    The most important thing to remember as the Earth is plunged into suffering and destruction is that you're allowed to do whatever is necessary to make sure you survive. A lot of apocalyptic-themed movies and literature make a big deal about the importance of remaining "good" and "noble" and "true to yourself" in the face of soul-crushing catastrophe, and more often than not THAT leads to people making decisions that get them killed. Do whatever it takes to not die! Eat dead people. Form a brutal feudal society with yourself as chieftain. Sacrifice anything that even REMOTELY looks like it maybe needs to be sacrificed. Right now, the only thing that matters is staying alive and procreating on the off chance the world isn't obliterated and thus needs to be repopulated. Remember, if you're the boss, it's going to be you dictating what goes in the gritty reboot of the history books.

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-12-2...-guide/4436484

  • #2
    Re: A "Warm and Fuzzy" to take you all through 2013.

    The apocalypse WAS here ----- we lost the 'Thanked for this post' and also 'Liked this post' but they are back again now!

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